The Attachment Approach

Life as parents can be easy, if we focus on "family life" as it is. Following our instincs will lead us  to better parenting. Why? Mother Nature "knows" what parenting is all about. That's why in fact nature is a Mother. It's interesting how we have "desattached" from our insticts with the excuse that we are humans. Well, we ARE mammals, we are animals. We have survived and progressed in evolution due to our social skills. Why do we want to be so individualistics when in fact we are meant to be in groups? Why mothers are told to let their babies alone, when naturally they are meant to be together during the first few years?

Parenting is hectic because during the last 100 years we have adopted a way of life that goes against our own nature. Men and women had worked in or near home for thousands of years, but the Industrial Revolution changed this type of artisan life. Working at home helped families stay together. People had different values. They valued more people than things. Now we twisted reality and think that we need things to be happy. In fact, we say that we don't need anyone to feel "Ok". We satify our needs with material things, instead of productive and caring relationships with others.
Feeling attached to THINGS it's NOT normal. But it's the rule of today's world. How do people sleep their babies today? Well with machines. How our children interact with language? Through TV and talking toys. So we TEACH our children that it's "Ok" to interact with THINGS rather than PEOPLE. So this creates "unvalued" people. People that see someone suffering right next to them, and they just past by. People that can damage other ones to get what they want. Narcisism, dissociation, depression, and other personality disorders all due because of the lack of HUMAN CONTACT.
That's why the approach of the "Attatchment Theory" is so important to me as a parent. It helps me be a MOM, rather than a progenitor. Kids need moms and dads. Babies are happy just by looking at you. Remember that we are raising HUMAN BEINGS, so babies best toys are their families.
I work 8 hours a day, five days a week, study 2 days a week at a university for 4 hours. But sacrifices are made: my husband stays with our babies and works at home. But each time I'm at home, I never do work. I study when kids are sleeping. I spend every tip of the day with my kids. If I go out, I take them. We go out as a group, as a family, because this is what we are.
When you get married, you do a bachellor/bachellorette party, to enjoy your last moment as a single person, because life changes when you marry. Well, guess what, same thing happens when you become a parent. It's not about YOU, it's not about "the couple", now it's about FAMILY. But, sadly, this is the part that most people don't get.
Let's put it this way: people live for about 75 years. Depending on how many offsprings they'll bring to this world, they'll "invest" 10 years of their life on being full time parents. That's only 13% of your ENTIRE life. If you "invest" well the first 5 years of your child, the rewards will be through a lifetime. This means, less texting, less TV, less agressions, more love, more hearing, more understanding, more "knowing your child". When you get to know your child, parenthood will automatically flow though your veins. Yes, all that oxytocin, prolactine, and attachment hormones will make you care for your baby, and this will go even more when you breastfeed.
Living in the "modern, contemporary world" makes this beautiful thing called motherhood so difficult because they confuse our systems. Your baby cries, and you are not doing the right thing by holding him, because the "expert" told you not to, but you're frustrated because your heart and body are telling you to hold him. SO HOLD YOUR CHILD. Think that what you feel is NORMAL and it's fine. Think if you see your couple, mother, or someone close to you crying. What do you do? You ask and are concerned about the sadness the other one feels. Why to do the opposite with a baby? Because is a baby we need to ignore him?
Parenting SHOULD be like a river that flows steadly. Not a set of cascades and falls of rules of DO's and DON'Ts. Limits will come on the way as you get to know your child. Remember that he's learning from you too.
Don't be affraid of what you'll lose, think of what you can invest. So hold your child, don't be affraid to love. There's NEVER too much love. Embrace the few years that you can really hold your children.
"At the end, you'll regret the things you didn't do, rather than the things you have done"