Working and Attached

To be a working mom it’s not impossible. The key, as I always say, is to set priorities. Your main job is to be a mom, your other job is to provide you child material things, and in some cases, education (if it’s in a private institute). So setting a balance between needs and wants is crucial to be a successful mom.

A Mother’s Ideal Workplace

It could be an issue handling your career as a professional and been a mother. There are careers that demand more of you than others, as well as workplaces. If you want to succeed as a mom, you’ll need to set aside, for at least 5 years, a growing career. Remember that what you invest in your child is what you’ll harvest in the future. Not spending enough time with your baby or toddler IS going to affect emotionally, socially, and even intellectually your child. There’s no better stimulator than a mother.

Make sure your workplace is close to home. In case of having your toddler in a day-care, make sure is also close to home and work. If baby stays with someone at home, you can teach the person how to be an “attached” caregiver by telling her not to “let cry” your baby and by holding him in a sling if he doesn’t crawl yet. Having your workplace close to your child is a way to spend more time with him, since you are not spending precious time in traffic. Also you’re close to attend any issue your child might have.

The workplace should be also “mom friendly”. Panamanian laws are clear that mothers have the right to bump breastmilk or breastfeed their children for an hour. Make sure there’re laws that support breastfeeding at work in your country. If not, find a way to negotiate part of your lunch time to breastfeed (that’s why living near work is ideal) or to bump. Babies should be a priority in all matters to a society; including the fact that breastmilk is the most important and best source of nutrition for them.

If you have the chance (economically) to go for a part-time job, do it. You can also find the possibility of working at home. All the time available for your child, take it. Set aside some lifestyle that takes money and precious time with your baby, and you’ll see you can live with much less, giving more to your child. Working extra for more money will make you “richer” but not a successful mother. Remember money comes and goes, but time that you lost with your child will never come back.

How I’ve Manage It

I’m a pre-school teacher, but I work full time. I found the teaching career wonderful while been a mother. My house is 5-11 min (depending on traffic) from work. My older child’s day care is in the middle between work and home (walking distance from both). Location, location, location…

I managed to have my babies at the end of the school year (vacation and my baby-leave all in one). I left my children with 3 months before going back to work, instead of the 1 and a half month most working moms have to.

A breastmilk bank was an important thing to me. I managed to have at least 150 bags and bottles in my freezer. How I did it? Well I bumped since day one I got home from the hospital. The first month after giving birth is the time when your body regulates the amount of milk you’ll have for the next months or years. So I managed to have a stable milk production. I made sure to buy a great bumper (Medela) that included a cooler to preserve the milk. I always bump and breastfeed my children as soon as I come back from work, although they are drinking much less.

Teaching is also a great plus, since vacations are in time with your kid’s. Also you have the same schedule, so you can always pick up your children or be at home on time with them.
My rule is to never take work to home. I manage my time at work to finish all of it. I also stopped tutoring since the birth of my first child. Time with my children has more value than the salary I made from extra work.

When my second child wasn’t a crawler, as soon I came from work I put him a ring sling. I played with my toddler while sharing warmth with my baby tugged in the sling. Today I just play with both of them on the floor and manage all what have to do with them with the help of my husband.

There’re ways to handle work and motherhood, but if you want to be an “attached” parent and be a professional on your child, you need to focus on been a parent, on giving more of yourself rather than giving everything to your child. Never forget that when you become a parent, that’s what you are and you’ll be for the rest of your life.

Postpartum Confessions

Having a baby is the most wonderful experience ever, but there's a part of maternity that we don't talk about much since it's maybe suppressed  by having our bundle of joy with us, or because it's difficult to accept that not everything is as pretty as it looks. Baby blues is a hard thing to handle for most women. Overwhelemed by the changes in their lives, not having the support, and any other situation that can make life harder for a new mom can lead those "baby blues" into a "postpartum depression".

Feeling Blue

I felt the "baby blues" with my first pregnancy. First, I felt "empty". When you are pregnant, your blood pressure rises and hormones make you feel a special warmth. This "warmth" was gone the day after my baby was born. The changes in my body of having 9 months my baby inside made me feel afterwards that something was missing. I knew this was going to happen, so I just accepted this feeling and tried not to focus in this since my baby needed me.
I cried a lot during the first week. I remember feeling alone even though I had all my family supporting me, since my husband was working in another town, at 500 km from my city. The fact that he couldn't be in the birth of our first child was a little spine itching me. I cried some nights, couple of minutes, again accepting my feelings but keeping in mind I needed to stay in control for my child.

 

Support and Confort

Breastfeeding really helped me. The hormones involved in breastfeeding relaxed me and at that time I bonded with my child. La Leche Legue's meetings also were a confort for my soul. I spoke and heard women going through the same or worst situations than me. Having a time for me during those meeting was like therapy.
Even though my husband was far away, I started to miss him a little less since I thought I had a little piece of him with me. Few weeks later he was hired in the city, so he came back. He confessed me that he didn't want to be away from us. So I felt good having him at home. Still I didn't feel "like me" yet. I knew that hormones were doing all of this, so I needed to be pacient with myself and just let it be. Later on I walked at the park, did yoga, and little by little everything turned brighter.

How to Prevent Postpartum Depression

Besides eating fruits and vegetables, drinking water, doing exercise, and talking to supporting people, you need to set ground in the relationship (if you have one) with your couple. Women that suffer postpartum depression are usually those whose marriages are not quite well or single moms, which not having the support of their men and the resentment of all what is happening plus the hormone disbalance, makes them quite vulnerable.
I think it's very important to learn and inform yourself about what are the normal feeling after you've given birth and which you need to be concerned about. Whatever feeling that makes you go against your child or yourself is not normal. In this case, search for professional help and ask someone of your trust to be there for your baby.
Having friends that support you as a mother is also key to get through the blues. Whoever makes you feel unconfortable, you have all the right to simply stay away from that person. Remember that the well-being of your child depends on your skills as a mother. Having the confort, love, and support will make you feel confident, which is important in order to have better parenting skills.

My Tandem Experience

Overcoming the Social Stigma

Being an attached parent in the Panamanian society hasn't been easy. There's an adversing attitude towards holding your baby and breastfeeding, although breastfeeding is still quite normal in some social classes. Most of the "anti-attachment movement" some Panamanians have are due to some pediatricians wanting to sell formulas, that don't promote breastfeeding, or they actually don't know anything about it. Also there're missunderstood and non-scientifically proved theories in psychology that "experts" promote that go against the natural human breeding.
Telling people that I still breastfeed my 2 year-old child and my 10 month child is like slapping them on the face.  Moms usually breastfeed until 3-6 months because "it's the normal thing", some of them just say "it didn't come out" or "my baby wasn't getting enough food" and they never get to breastfeed. It's sad living in a society where information is available, people still don't inform themselves.
I proudly say to people that I practice Tandem breastfeefing. It's really funny how they assure that my milk has "nothing" to offer my toddler. Well, it has a lot. About 300 mL of breastmilk provides 95% of what my toddle needs of vitamin C, plus all the inmune protection only it can give. The thing is, people don't get that toddlers and babies after 6-9 months eat OTHER things BESIDES breastmilk. Formula companies sell the idea that until 6 months babies can drink breastmilk because it doesn't provide "enough" nutrients. How can something designed for human beings won't have "enough" nutrients? Why is "not normal" to give your toddler breastmilk and "normal" to give a milk from another animal?

The Nutrition Facts

Why tandem?

Having the opportunity to be part of the Leche League in Panama, I witnessed how women breastfed their child while pregnant. When I was pregnant, my first child was 1 year and 6 months old. I never thought when I was going to stop breastfeeding him, and I wasn't expecting a second child at that time, so I decided to continue breastfeeding. Oxytocin, the hormone involved in the milk ejection arch-reflex, also causes contractions, so my doctor was a little concern about my decision. But my pregnancy continued well, and everything went smoothly.
When the new baby came, my first child was glad to share his precious time with mommy with his new baby brother. He still says "that's my baby brother's (breast)". So this jelousy thing that usually come between siblings was not a problem with these little two, because I never denied that special time to my first child.
It comes the time when I feel tired, but then I think to myself "all the money I'm saving in doctors". My toddler goes to school, the germ squad, and yes he gets sick, but I never had to take him to the hospital. So this encourages me to keep going. Also because of his dental health, the word modulation, and the neurological development he's having, I just need to keep breastfeeding him.
Tandem breastfeeding is a beautiful experience. Looking at my two children sharing mommy between smiles and hand holding it's simply adorable. So I'm also sharing love and transmiting that love two both of my children.

How to manage it

Breastfeeding two boys is possible. Usually a set of boundaries have to be grownded. Bounderies in timming, turns, and breasts. Toddlers breastfeeding needs  are different to those of a baby. Toddlers can understand when you talk to them about waiting for his turn, to be patient, or to share. They can also express some feelings and they can tell you when they need to be breastfed. So a communication can be establish to make everybody happy.
My toddler is in his weaning phase, so little by little his saying "bye-bye boobies". He sleeps without been breastfed. Sometimes he says "no thank you". So in a couple of months, I forsee breastfeeding my second child only. I will cherish all the beautiful moments we shared and live what will come with a strong ground of care and love we established together.
Just remember, there's never "too much love", the real love a well-balanced mother can give.

 

Routines vs. Schedules

At what time you eat your lunch? At what time you sleep? People usually don't have an exact time for eating or sleeping, unless you have the obsessive-compulsive disorder. Daily life is full of surprises and unexpected things that may change our usual dynamic. We need to "adapt" to these changes. People that live under the clock have very stressful lives because one of the things that really frustrates them are unexpected things that come up ALL the time. So imagine, what happens to a child living under "the clock" that was taken from his schedule, out of his environment, because a family birthday party came up? Could that child "blend in" or would feel stressed and frustrated?
If you put your child under a strict schedule, you are not preparing your child for life. Yes, we all have some type of schedule at work, or in school, but we usually decide when we eat or when to sleep. We eat because our body asks for food with an unconfortable feeling that we name hunger. If you have a healthy lifestyle, usually you'll feel hungry almost at the same time every day. We all have our own biological timing, and we should respect that timing in our children.
But, how we get our children to sleep or to eat? There's a theory I don't like so much in Psychology, but it's very useful if we apply it nicely: Behaviorism and its conditionist theory. We are all conditioned to certain things, because this is the way all animals learn. For every action, there's a reaction. We can "condition" our children to fall asleep when we want to with previous stimulations that lead the child to sleep. That's when we apply a "ROUTINE". We lead our child through activities. This stables children's minds because they love to know what's coming up. But we need to also give the tools to our children to adapt to changes. For example, everyday your child wakes up, eats, takes a bath, plays with his toys or goes to a daycare, comes back, has a meal, but you need to take your child to a friend's house. So you take him. When you come back home, you "conditionate" your child to go to sleep by a "Sleeping Routine". A Sleeping Routine may include a nice bath, a massage, soft music, low lights, and before you notice, the child is sleeping. Even though your child was taken out from what he's used to do, he can follow a routine that reorganizes his mind.
A tip I can give to newborns' parents is that don't put curtains in baby's room. Baby's need to know when day and night is. Melatonin is a hormone that regulates our biological clock. This hormone reacts to sunlight. If you keep your child when sleeping the curtains closed, baby's melatonine won't regulate.

Timing for our bodies and brains is important, but timing in the sense of schedule may cause stress. You as a parent will choose what suits better for your lifestyle, but routines are a way to give your child the oportunity to auto-regulate and adapt to life in a more natural way.
Using routines made my life very easy as a parent. I slept my children today, both of them at the same time. We never fight over sleeping time. It's something that happens "naturally", but it's really conditioned.

Balanced Moms= Happy Babies

How I'm feeling lately? That's a question we should ask ourselves at least once a week. How we feel is what we project. Our attitudes are the reflexion of our feelings. Stress and anger may be caused by many reasons, but we need to release this bad feelings in a positive way. I like to use the "Gestalt" approach: "The here and now". Assertivity and proactivity are ways to change anger into a solution. Saying what you feel in the precise moment to the person you need to deal with is the correct way to handle your distress.

Anger acumulation may cause stress. Stress messes up with motherhood in so many ways. If you are stressed, you may not breastfeed correctly. Oxytocin is a hormone that releases or ejects milk. Adrenaline, or in case of prolonged stress, cortlizol hormones, may suppress the oxytocin hormone. This means that your child would receive less milk.

Sress may affect parenting skills too. Pacience levels may go down and can be frustrating for a parent to deal with her/his child, thinking is the child the cause of the stress.

When you are trying to deal with everything, at the end you deal with nothing. That's why setting priorities is the most important thing to do. Organizing your mind will help organize your life. If you are a mom, your child should be on the top 2 of your list. Yes, top two, one of your priorities should be yourself. Yourself means in health (eating, sleeping)  and well-being (mentally). Remember that women are the base of the family. If you as a woman, are not well-balanced, marriage problems may come out, that will directly affect the family dynamic. Been assertive will help men understand what women feel. Usually men are not good "readers" so the approach for them to "understand" women is if we speak to them as literally as possible.

Most of the time as a first time mom, the stress might come from extended family and non-supporting friends. If you are into the attachment parenting approach, you might think on looking for supporting friends and family, instead of people bossing around on how to be a perfect parent. Don't think if you are a good parent or not. You are the only parent that your child knows and for him you are going to be the best, if you give him love and keep yourself mentally and physically healthy.

Release stress by walking with your baby or taking your toddler to a park. Exercise and yoga might also help. Connect with your baby through music and nature.

Remember you are a model to your child. The way you deal with stress is how your children will deal with it in a future. This is your time to be a better human being...

Co-sleeping and Beading Close to Your Baby

From my experience of two kids and from my personal point of view, sleeping with my babies is one of the most beautiful things I've ever done. With my first child, in the hospital, I asked for my baby to sleep in the same room with me since I was breastfeeding him. I thought that it was the logical thing to do since I had to get to know my child because in the end, I had to deal with him at home. Well I got to know that little character, which was high demanding. But I was happy to bond with him. Still I wasn't sure to sleep with my baby because of all the things people told me. Some co-workers told me to sleep with him, other old women told me not to. It was confusing. So I decided to set the small crib of the hospital next to my bed. I breastfed, put the baby down, and after few minutes, baby cried. I kept this thing going on for about 1 or 2 weeks, until I said to myself: "This is rediculous!". I just put my baby next to me and slept with him. Before he even woke up to demand for food, I was awaken by this strange feeling. I saw his little jaw moving and the suction reflex going on, so I fed him right away. I was asleep, deeply, but I could wake up with any baby noise.
After reading and understanding what attachment parenting was, the theory I studied at the univerisity, hearing other mothers that breastfed at La Leche League, and watching amazing conferences by many doctors like Dr. Carlos González from Spain, I understood all my feelings that I couldn't explain to myself at that time. Oxytocin and prolactin, two wonderful hormones made this magic happen. Later on, speaking with one of my co-workers that told me to sleep with my child, she said something quite interesting that soon I investigated and read about. She said that dogs and cats (she's an animal lover) slept with their cubs because it's the way all mammals are supposed to grow, since we depend more of our mothers for many reasons. Research also shows that humans are more dependant to their mothers than any other species.
Reading my parenting bible, "The Attachment Parenting Book" by Dr. Sears and his wife, they stated an amazing fact about co-sleeping and is that statistically more babies die from Sudden Infant Seath Syndrome sleeping alone in cribs than sleeping with their parents. There's a theory that suggests that when babies sleep with their moms, they breathe better and have better breathing rhythm since they "follow" their mother's. Although co-sleeping is not for everybody. Studies seem to forbid sleeping with babies if you have over-weight and sleeping syndroms such as apnea.  To avoid accidents, try to have your baby tugged in his own blanket. Also try to have safety bars for your baby not to fall off bed. Some are available to adapt to your bed.
Beading close is also a wonderful choice for those who can't try the co-sleeping. Having the crib in your bedroom or a moses crib next to your bed also works quite well.
Keep in mind that even though you might have a camera and high-tech stuff on your baby's crib, your baby doesn't feel safe. You know your baby is "ok" from your point of view, but from baby's eyes, he feels alone and unprotected because he needs your warmth and smell. If we keep giving our babies this sense of confort and protection, they will become confident and high self-esteemed children.
Knowing all this, I just trusted my insticts with my second child. I slept with him from day one, and I rested and had a wonderful time at the hospital. I felt so good holding my little bundle of joy, right next to my heart, feeling his warmth and him feeling mine. Nine months later and it's still beautiful.
Sleeping with babies has been a practice that humans have done since we touched this Earth, and it's completely normal. If you feel like doing it and you're a healthy person, do it. It's a one time experience that happens for just few years of your entire life.
Enjoy your parent life...

Let's Fight for Mommy's Rights!

I really have to congratulate Mr. Mario Miller, a Panamanian deputy, for trying to pass a law to give Panamanian moms a little more time with their babies, giving 18 weeks of maternity leave.
I once wrote an email to Mrs. Marta de Martinelli's office, our first lady, about how other countries had longer maternity leaves than Panamanian's 14 week leave. Also, the laws about breastfeeding are not quite promulgated, or even respected. I have no idea if this has to do to the fact that now they're trying to pass this law, but I'm glad that this came up for the sake of our future generation.
Now, everything sounds so good and everybody was very happy with the idea, except of course "La Asociación Panameña de Ejecutivos de Empresas" (The Panamanian Asociation of Entrepreneurs), alleging that this will "affect" the economy. YEAH, RIGHT.
First of all, we pay for our Social Security, taken from our salary (9%) every month, so they really don't pay for our leave. Second, they hire someone to cover, which they usually pay less to that person as a "professional service" or they pay some extra money to another employee to cover too. So they still they win. I don't get why instead of thinking in their pockets, they don't think in the future of our decaying society. Those 4 more weeks make a lot of a difference for a baby. This means moms can breastfeed a little bit longer (in case of not knowing how to have a breastmilk bank), give moms a little bit more time for finding help, but more than anything, makes moms and babies stay together a little longer.
Society needs more attached moms and babies. How can we let entrepreneurs understand the human value? How can we let them understand that if they want better workers in the future, they have to promote family values? How can they not understand that above anything, life comes first?
I really would like this law to pass, and believe me it would make an Earth of a difference and impact in future generations. It would be so awsome if like Uruguay, Panama also would let moms, if requested, work part-time (earning the same amount of money) if breastfeeding. If you compare Panamanian and Uruguayan crime statistics (we have the same amount of people), Uruguay has it way much lower. That would be an interesting fact to research in order to prove the importance of a securely-attached children in a society.

La Leche League's Wonders

Breastfeeding is more than "filling" your baby's tummy. It's filling your baby with love. It's a time only you can give to your child as a mother.
I've been breastfeeding for about 3 years in a row and it's been a great experience since the beginning, due to all the information I got from La Leche League of my country. I've been a member since 2009, when I was about 5 months pregnant of my first child. The shared experiences of other mothers that were breastfeeding, the books available, and to also share my doubts and fears as a first-time mom was so useful that made my life as a new parent quite fascinating.
One of the things that really helped me get through the first time I ever breastfed was confidence. I was sure that I could breastfeed my child. That confidence was given to me after many LLL meetings. I had all the answers and the support of all these women that were in my same position.
Other great support was my husband. Our view of what we wanted for our child was to give him as less synthetic products as we could, and that included food. What is more synthetic than processed milks? How on Earth people could ever think that "formulas" are good or better than breastmilk?
I remember a book that our leader showed to us and something similiar I saw at an international conference about breastfeeding, it was the difference in a microscope of a "formula" milk vs. breastmilk. Formulas just had nothing. Like... nothing. So that is what people are giving to their children... nothing. Instead breastmilk is living-material, with tissues, cells, and nutrients. So in a way, when you breastfeed, you give life to your child (literally) .
Bonding with your baby is something that is priceless (in fact it is). You can bond in many ways, but breastfeeding gives that one-on-one time with your baby that no one else can give. And thanks to LLL, I made this experience just wonderfully, with no problems, just naturally.
LLL is like full mom- power. It gives you all the tools, if you really want, to breastfeed successfully. It gives you the strength that you need as a woman to continue doing your duty as a mother. It gives you friendship, not only for yourself, but for your baby too. It helps understand yourself and others in this new phase of your life. It opens your mind and heart to be a better mom.
Thanks La Leche League for giving me a beautiful motherhood!
For Panamanian moms check out: http://www.lllpanama.com or LLL international http://www.llli.org

Yes, I Babywear

Babywearing is an Attachment Parenting term I first saw in my parenting bible "The Attachment Parenting Book" by Dr. Sears and his wife. Wearing your baby is basically having your baby confortably close to you at all times in a carrier.
Long before wheels and strollers were invented, people "wore" their children at all times because if they were left alone probably they couldn't survive to wilderness. Moms had to be close to their babies at all times. If babies cried, it was not a good idea since it attracted predators. So biologically babies and moms are supposed to be together always, for at least 6 months, or until baby starts crawling. Still babies have the constant need of mothers because that's how we have evolved.
Human milk is lean, with more carbs than fat, meaning human babies need to drink constantly. That's because human babies, like other primates, need constant contact with their mothers. Other mammals, such as felines, have milk with more fat, because they need to leave their babies for them to be able to hunt.
Babywearing is just a way of giving a baby all what he needs: you. It's simply not logical to leave babies on playpens, cribs, or electronic swings. I never bought this things because for me was a waste of money, except for the crib that by the way, we use it to put stuff inside because my baby sleeps with me, but that's another subject. Babies in carriers cry less, they get in touch with daily life, they can even "read" emotions better than babies with no human contact. And isn't this what we want to teach our kids? Remember that your duty as a parent is to be a caregiver, not a trainer.
There are many ways you can babywear. Now there are pouches and sling. This seems to be a "new thing" but actually Eastern civilizations and Native Americans have used them for thousands of years. I have worn my two sons in "Ring Slings". These are FANTASTIC. Easy to put, to clean, to take, confortable, and wornderful to breastfeed in public. I go to the mall, the bank, supermarket, anywhere with my sling on and my baby just feeds without anybody noticing. Once an old woman with my first child came to me and told me: "That's a REAL mom". I felt good with that comment because I was in a cafeteria late at night, and I just took my baby and he was just happily sleeping on my chest. He didn't wake up, and I could enjoy my meal and a time out of the house.
Slings have been a life savier to me in such ways. It makes parenting easier when it comes to breastfeeding and conforting your child.
Who told you not to go out with your babies? Forget about all those things that you think you need to take when you go out with your baby. Just take your sling, a big purse with a couple of dipers, wipes, and two clothes' changes, and you are ready to rock. Breastfeeding and slings really make your life easier and more glamourus. Find nice slings that go with your outfits! It's trully a better investment...
If you are interested on knowing how to wear your baby, on You Tube there's a whole bunch of  videos about ring sling wearing. They are available on eBay and other online stores. Also La Leche League promotes this type of carriers. I trully LOVE my Ring Slings!

Accepting Flaws as Parents

In my 5 years of teaching and 3 years of being a parent, I've come across with many situations with other parents, some good, some not so good (from my point of view). It's quite interesting how family's dynamic is clearly shown through attitudes in children, in different social situations, specially among peers.

One of the things that is really unconfortable for a teacher is to deal with parents in denile. It seems that saying the truth of their child's behaviour is "offensive". So we have to say the truth with lots, lots, lots of nice touches for them to kind of swallow it. But the denile is still present. I've come to the conclusion that is difficult for today's parents to accept faults. It's better and easier to just close your eyes and imagine everything is "ok". And because people don't dedicate time to their kids, they try to "be there for their kids" reinforcing what teachers are trying to make better.
Anti-values such as narcisism are quite present in modern civilization.  The fact that something is wrong with our children means that we are "bad" parents. But, let's face it, much of our children's problems are due to poor parenting skills. That's why it's basic to know your child.
Get to know your child is involving and connecting with that little person from the very beginning. Remember that the first 5 years are crucial for bonding and getting involved with your kid. "Getting involved" doesn't mean to watch TV all day together. It's playing , talking, listening, and loving.
Why is this related to our children's behavior? Securely- attached children are happier. Happy people are balanced, which means they are builders, not destructors. Happy people are leaders, not despots. Securely-attached children are in touch with emotions, so they don't harm others. This is because from the beginning parents gave a series of tools for the child to feel protected and loved.
So accepting our own problems and doing something about it will help us be better parents. It's incredible how we can see ourselves in our children. That's why well balanced, loving people seems to have it easy on parenting.
Most of the mothers I´ve met that are happy wives, have happy kids. Happy kids might not be the brightest students, but believe me they are better persons. At the end, academic performance it's not a proof of how good parents we are. The harvest of your dedication will be when your son/daughter becomes a "well- balanced" adult, with no need of adictions, with no stuggles, just happy.

The Attachment Approach

Life as parents can be easy, if we focus on "family life" as it is. Following our instincs will lead us  to better parenting. Why? Mother Nature "knows" what parenting is all about. That's why in fact nature is a Mother. It's interesting how we have "desattached" from our insticts with the excuse that we are humans. Well, we ARE mammals, we are animals. We have survived and progressed in evolution due to our social skills. Why do we want to be so individualistics when in fact we are meant to be in groups? Why mothers are told to let their babies alone, when naturally they are meant to be together during the first few years?

Parenting is hectic because during the last 100 years we have adopted a way of life that goes against our own nature. Men and women had worked in or near home for thousands of years, but the Industrial Revolution changed this type of artisan life. Working at home helped families stay together. People had different values. They valued more people than things. Now we twisted reality and think that we need things to be happy. In fact, we say that we don't need anyone to feel "Ok". We satify our needs with material things, instead of productive and caring relationships with others.
Feeling attached to THINGS it's NOT normal. But it's the rule of today's world. How do people sleep their babies today? Well with machines. How our children interact with language? Through TV and talking toys. So we TEACH our children that it's "Ok" to interact with THINGS rather than PEOPLE. So this creates "unvalued" people. People that see someone suffering right next to them, and they just past by. People that can damage other ones to get what they want. Narcisism, dissociation, depression, and other personality disorders all due because of the lack of HUMAN CONTACT.
That's why the approach of the "Attatchment Theory" is so important to me as a parent. It helps me be a MOM, rather than a progenitor. Kids need moms and dads. Babies are happy just by looking at you. Remember that we are raising HUMAN BEINGS, so babies best toys are their families.
I work 8 hours a day, five days a week, study 2 days a week at a university for 4 hours. But sacrifices are made: my husband stays with our babies and works at home. But each time I'm at home, I never do work. I study when kids are sleeping. I spend every tip of the day with my kids. If I go out, I take them. We go out as a group, as a family, because this is what we are.
When you get married, you do a bachellor/bachellorette party, to enjoy your last moment as a single person, because life changes when you marry. Well, guess what, same thing happens when you become a parent. It's not about YOU, it's not about "the couple", now it's about FAMILY. But, sadly, this is the part that most people don't get.
Let's put it this way: people live for about 75 years. Depending on how many offsprings they'll bring to this world, they'll "invest" 10 years of their life on being full time parents. That's only 13% of your ENTIRE life. If you "invest" well the first 5 years of your child, the rewards will be through a lifetime. This means, less texting, less TV, less agressions, more love, more hearing, more understanding, more "knowing your child". When you get to know your child, parenthood will automatically flow though your veins. Yes, all that oxytocin, prolactine, and attachment hormones will make you care for your baby, and this will go even more when you breastfeed.
Living in the "modern, contemporary world" makes this beautiful thing called motherhood so difficult because they confuse our systems. Your baby cries, and you are not doing the right thing by holding him, because the "expert" told you not to, but you're frustrated because your heart and body are telling you to hold him. SO HOLD YOUR CHILD. Think that what you feel is NORMAL and it's fine. Think if you see your couple, mother, or someone close to you crying. What do you do? You ask and are concerned about the sadness the other one feels. Why to do the opposite with a baby? Because is a baby we need to ignore him?
Parenting SHOULD be like a river that flows steadly. Not a set of cascades and falls of rules of DO's and DON'Ts. Limits will come on the way as you get to know your child. Remember that he's learning from you too.
Don't be affraid of what you'll lose, think of what you can invest. So hold your child, don't be affraid to love. There's NEVER too much love. Embrace the few years that you can really hold your children.
"At the end, you'll regret the things you didn't do, rather than the things you have done"